Friday, March 11, 2011

The Truth About Esther

Girls like me, have this thing I hate so much. Sometimes I wish I was a dude so I can go around minding other people's business without having to think about how it might affect me in the future. No hard rock feeling, no baby talk, no over exaggerated emotion etc.

Girls, like I've said, have this it's-hard-for-me-to-forgive-you thingy planted in their chest. Even if they do forgive, any slight mistake a person do will eventually force them to dig into the hate grave they left even millions of decades ago. Sigh. I was once that person but someone came into my life 5 years ago and decided to change me into someone who'd go ballisctic even for some small reason and piling up my emotions in my chest, waiting for something to make it explode to.. someone who'd go yes-I-am-really-pissed-off today and ohh-that-was-yesterday the next day. I am not 100% true to this statement because I am still taking baby steps towards making millions of changes along adulthood.

I'm taming down my overgiver status, trying hard not to be so kind to everyone (like he said), struggling not to take in every single things in my own hands and of course leaving my perfectionist life behind.

I feel like sometime, its wrong to be who you really are because people nowadays only judge a book by it's cover.

Other times I feel like I just want to be that bad girl like everyone assume I am and let them see whats inside of me they haven't.

Today, I vow to myself the quote from Our father, "forgive us our sin as we forgive those who sinned against me". I really don't want to plant hate in my chest anymore. I don't want to bad mouth anyone just to comfort my feelings. I'll stick to being normal.

I blogged about how I hated people making status revolving around God and forgiveness and sin. I made a status on facebook compiling this three words I once said I hated people for using but now, I end up being that person I blog hating about. But, I prayed the same thing every night and even a slight sign of the cross connects me to him and allows me closer to him. I think karma have decided to come knocking on my door. February, I've been blessed. March, I hope for success, friendship, faith, happiness, memories and loads of photos of smiling beautiful people.

Hello March. I forgot you're here already.

1 comment:

Chell said...

agree...people nowadays, very judgmental..and it's something that we just couldn't prevent...

looks like forgiveness is needed everywhere..:P