Monday, July 9, 2012

Seriously long entry

I can't believe I'm blogging lesser. It might be the new venture I'm doing or the agony of waiting for my work assessment letter. Ohh wait, I probably spent way too much time on instagram.

Went to the mall wearing just this. Its all dusty there and colder then usual maybe because massive renovation was going on and probably not the safest place to go for a while.

Anyways, this week will probably be a crucial week for me. I'm finally graduating hooray! Sadly, I wouldn't be graduating with the whole class. Only 9 of us graduating here in Sabah. I had a long talk with my parents and fiancee about this. They didn't really convinced me at first. I was rooted to my decision of graduating with my friends but another friend got me thinking how I should graduate here. I'm happy with my decision. Everything is so costly here. I can't imagine graduating else where which probably be more than I could afford now that I'm in this situation (jobless and penniless). Been planning everything like crazy for the past week. I can't even make a decision alone. Making comparison is pretty hard for someone who left business for a long time. Spent my last allowance on this. If planning weddings is harder than this then, I would have to book myself a wedding planner. Its really been a while since I arrange loans proposal, business related stuffs and numbers. I won't even dare buying something until this whole thing come to an end.

For the love of food, this was my whole week breakfast photos, some of it. ;)

Been stressing a lot lately. I just don't understand why people do what they do, why they take actions in hopes of achieving what I think is only hurting themselves, why some people won't let things be and leave it as it is, why humans force themselves to reminisce on bad memories and let hate flames burns in their chest? I'm lost sometimes. 
Tried to fight everything by doing what everyone does-counter back but I figured its no use and it will only make things worse. I pour my thoughts in whatever social networks I have, like blog about it so they will read and understand but I figure, they won't. Why won't they let me be? And then I thought about my sister who faces the same problem as I am. I texted her the wonderful words that are planted inside my chest. I try to calm her down just by texting because I am not good speaking with anyone directly. I am not a naturally born counselor. I froze at the thought of listening to people pouring and sharing their problems to me.
But having doing this, I ask myself why can I say those words to my sister and not plant it inside myself and do as I told her too? I can't understand why. Like her, I am still searching for reasons why. Even thousand miles away from those people, it still occurs, still is-now. If them people are trying to bring me down then I would gladly say, yes, you are and you're doing a tremendously good job on that. congratulations. Keep it up. You got me right on the chest.

I started this entry with nothing in my mind, not even a line of words and thoughts but it ends up seriously, heart-to-heart, mind blowing, chest hurting long entry. Now it looks like a whole new novel just waiting to be printed. I just love English, even though mine is far from good.
Could this be just another manic monday?

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